Don't be the Bunny

I am resisting the urge to title this post Dumb Bunnies, as it carries the double meaning of non-noise making creatures and their collective nickname. "Those dumb bunnies knocked over their food again." And Fucking Bunnies, as an adjective and a verb heard frequently as in, "Those fucking bunnies are doing it again!" I attempt to attach to our new pets, the as yet unnamed, brown bunny and black bunny.

It has been more than a year since the cats moved in with my parents. The expense of travel, the risk of losing them, or leaving them behind, was too much. I love animals and miss having pets. A trip to the Flower and Bird Market in Hongqiao in September provided two baby bunnies to fill the pet void in the Maguire home.

Just like my two black kitties, I suspect this black bunny will be big and fat. Adventurous and friendly, she even sleeps in my lap and jumps on my keyboard inspiring bunny centric posts. Yes, I have a favorite. Don’t tell brown bunny. 

On the Internet people love them. In person, people hate their bunnies and are sad, but kind of happy when the bunny dies. I get that. According to Google, they are litter trainable. I think they poop every time they hop. Watching one do a silly side hop/jump and poop combination, I recall something from the outdoor bunny I had as a kid. I remember something about that bunny pooping when jumping, or jumping with excitement when he pooped. Litter training is taking several months. My house smells like poop. 

I had the idea they were like cats, but better because they don’t scratch furniture. Then I look across my floor and see poop. I can see the whole hardwood floor because the zebra rug is folded on the chair. Who knew bunnies would eat zebra? Fucking bunnies.

My house also smells like teenage male rodent. Oh, and if you are wondering, they do it like bunnies. Turns out what we thought was litter play was juvenile sexual exploration that required a human chaperone. At long last, our splayed-legged, brown bunny’s testicles descended and were removed at Pet Zoo on New Year's Day. Guess how much I love you now, No Nut Brown Hare? If you are still wondering, it is more than before.

In order to determine the sex I would flip them over and examine their bunny parts while searching Yahoo for detailed photos. The search terms led to Brown Bunny. “Quick children look over there, a unicorn!” I shouted as I slammed down the laptop cover. That was close. Turns out Brown Bunny is not a children’s movie. Henceforth brown bunny will be referred to as white bunny. 

Every 12 hours they act like I haven’t fed them in days. Pouring food I mock them, “Hey dumb bunnies, in the last 12 hours you ate some, knocked some onto the bottom of your cage, and then shit and peed on the rest. Let this be a lesson to you. It is not my fault if you are hungry bunnies. Shit goes in the litter box!” I may be obsessed with the poop problem.

What will happen to the bunnies a year and a half from now? Within 24 hours of moving into our house they were attacked by the neighborhood pack of wild 4, 5, and 6-year-old humans and survived. Option one, we will attempt to find an adoptive family. Option two, bunny-boo, includes earmuffs and stew. I have a friend here who raised rabbits as a kid and has offered to help if we follow through on this option. No joke, that's why it's funny. The kids look at the zebra and then at me and cry. The FSO isn’t laughing either.

The East Asian High Speed Train or The True Orient Express

I booked the sleeper train for our first big trip out of Shanghai. The adventure started in the taxi, in truth just getting a taxi; those fuckers.

We had Thanksgiving dinner with friends. While we said our goodbyes the guard at the compound attempted to get us a taxi. As we were cutting it close, our friends helped. We spread out covering all sides of the road, on foot and on bike, attempting to flag down one damn taxi.

Finally in a taxi and on our way, we headed to one of two railway stations in Shanghai. Or at least I thought there were two. Apparently there is a third and 30 minutes before departure, that station is where we found ourselves. Rushed and confused, we studied the departure board. No train. The attendant tried to explain the mistake. He pantomimed and pointed down while yelling in Chinese. A sympothetic fellow traveler jumped in to translate. He was far more experienced in translation techniques, yelling louder and using more exaggerated hand gestures. Another Chinese traveler walked by and in perfect English said to his companion, “They are lost.” You speak English and won’t help? “You jerk!” I wanted to holler after him, but focused on extricating myself from well meaning idiots.

Having wasted 10 minutes we ran from the station and gave a waiting driver 100RMB to get us to the right station. Rocketing through downtown traffic at 100KM/hr (no exaggeration, I was watching the dial) we got to the station with 5 minutes to spare. We got through security and jumped on the last car, the door shutting behind us. That was ¥100 well spent.

If I were a writer I would set a story on the sleeper. It was awesome.

Shanghai Air Quality Index (AQI) Apps and Links

China is notorious for poor air quality. About two years ago world newspapers wrote about political fireworks (Get it? Fireworks and China? No? Okay, blog on that later.) set off by State Department Mission to China into the smog filled Chinese skies. China, too, had a system to determine air quality, but the readings differed in substances monitored, and frequency. Air quality rumors still abound, but the political differences were worked out long before the Maguires arrived in Shanghai.

The State AQI is located somewhere on the US Consulate compound. This is public knowledge, but I have no idea where the monitor is and don’t really care. On ground level, after I have stopped, dropped, and rolled, I find the air to be fresh and clean there as it is filtered by a park-like abundance of trees, plants and flowers. Still, the shafts of sunlight highlight millions of particles floating in air and the air I breathe tastes gritty.

The air in the outlying neighborhoods appears to be worse than at the Consulate. This is not proven true, but completely antidotal. I don’t electronically check the air quality every day. When I walk the children to school in the morning we observe the buildings in the distance. How distinct are the outlines? What color is the sky? We can usually guess within 30 PPM. This may seem like a wide margin of error, but we are really talking about the difference between unhealthy and unhealthy. See below.

Does everyone miss their first post?

Our South African friends have just left. The food is mostly away. The dishwasher has been running for an hour. The kids are asleep. I am sitting here missing Lesotho.

I miss our former frequent dinner guests. I miss them a lot. Clearing away the bottles I wonder how there is a good sized pour left in the red and another in the Port. I move them to coffee table determined not to let them go to waste. The scotch is a little lighter, so that is good.

For a night we could forget we were in China. I did have to apologize for mixing the Chinese roasted nuts into the salad, but we had beef and potatoes and nothing that resembled Chinese food. The conversation, accents, and tableware were not made in China.

J introduces herself to new friends as "South Africa". T identifies with Lesotho. In this life it is hard to have a national identity. Instead I find that I am looking for commonality with anyone and everyone. I really miss the people I left at the last post. I kind of ignore the black hole that was

The Hongqiao Pearl Market

There are shopping options everywhere. I suspect several China posts will concern shopping. This weekend I went to the Pearl Market. I was looking for shoes, but this place has it all, even pearls.

The first floor has a lot of toys and lower priced items. This is where to go for luggage, toys, electronics, a scope should you be in need of one, a USSR multi-tool which I have asked Santa for, cheap jewelry, and tailors. The kids made their Christmas requests while exploring.

The second floor is where to go for pearls in Shanghai.  You can also find jade jewelry. The pearl stores range in price and appearance. I am not sure what to look for in a good quality store. I stopped into one and chatted with the guy for a while. He was very nice and I walked out with

Press and Roll

There are bicycles everywhere in China. In Hong Kong, there were more gas powered motorbikes. In Shanghai there are more electric scooters. The scooters are fast, energy efficient, and quiet. All two wheeled vehicles will henceforth in this post be referred to as bikes.

There are different kinds of scooters. They can be purchased from Carrefour, local shops, and the classifieds. The sizes range from large, heavy, fast bikes, to the small light-weight frames that can be pedaled or powered. In the States we call the pedal/engine combo ones whizzers, I am not sure what they are called here.

The first week we arrived I bought a used bike from a Foreign Service Officer departing Post. It is bigger than I want, with a more powerful engine. The thing is so heavy that I can’t lift it up onto the more supportive stand, so it always rests on the side kickstand. It plugs into any outlet and charges in about four hours. The charge lasts long enough for about four or five trips around town. The price and situation were right, so what could go wrong?

This bike maxes out at 50 km/hr. No gears, it is fairly mindless. The bike is sensitive to even the smallest shifts in balance and weight. When the kids get into a fight on the back we swerve all over the road and I start shouting at them to knock it off. Not that you can ever imagine me shouting at my darling children. It is big enough to carry the three of us, but small enough to maneuver to school and local errands.

I am still not used to traffic here, but I am starting to understand the patterns of behavior. There is a hierarchy: buses- taxis- cars- diesel/gas bikes- electric scooters- whizzers- bicycles- pedestrians- rickshaws. Like any

A Little Consistency Goes a Long Way- Gymnastics in Shanghai

I took the wee one to gymnastics. We had used and loved the same company in DC and New England. I found a franchize here and though it would offer familiarity. One month into Shanghai and we both needed a regular routine, not just the start of one, but one that made us feel like we are home.

The adventure started in the taxi, as it always does. I wrote the directions in English, pinyin, and in characters. Explained everything to the guard at the compound gate and then he hailed the taxi. Getting in we thought that we may or may not end up at the right place.

With only a few circles and a little confusion we found the gym inside a mall. This location was a little different as all are, but all the same colors and branding. The people did speak some English- good start. I hoped she would jump in, but history suggested she will need a couple of sessions to adjust.

There are four coaches in the room, already better odds than DC. Everything was in Chinese, but one coach always sat next to her translating

Hashing in Country Number Three (Updated)

In an effort to find something enjoyable in Shanghai, I again pursued the H3. I miss Lesotho. There are a lot of features to miss, but mostly I miss the expat community. They usually found themselves at one time or regularly hiking with the local chapter of the Hash House Harriers. We attended most every weekend.

This one runs a little differently. I found myself in the circle on the second hike reminding both of my children that "what is said on the hash, stays at the hash." The double entendres are singularly risqué. And oh boy, the vocabulary is more than earmuffs can handle. It is a good thing that the kind soul corresponding with me via email pointed me towards the most family friendly chapter of the six in town. Note to self: I have to remember to fine my son at the next meeting for interrupting dinner with, "time to grease the beer ayi!"(translation: time for the beer bitches or booze master to take a drink)

It Is Always Rainy in Shanghai

We arrived in Shanghai at night, the best time to view the city skyline. Hot and steamy, the lights bounced off of the ceiling in the sky with the intensity of the sun at dusk.

The sky has been grey ever since. It has rained every day since we arrived. Encouraging acquaintances say that the rain is not usual.  This is not encouraging, it is in fact easier to face normal than abnormal. My pant legs and shoes are soaked each day on the walk to school. Pants are unbearable when the rain stops and the heat and humidity increase.

We had our new Consulate contacts over for sun downers shortly after our stuff arrived. The Berry Box was a hit, our balcony was perfect, everything was lovely except for the sky. Sundowners in Shanghai are now to be called greydowners.

Chinese women do nothing for my self-esteem.  Their hair is lovely straight, black, and shiny. Figures and posture are perfect. My hair is a mess. Gone are the good hair days of the semi-arid environment. Tall, awkward, frizzy haired, glasses sliding down my nose from the constant oil slick caused by heat and humidity, and I have emotionally returned to middle school.

Trying to get internet installed after any move is a challenge, now try doing it in a language that you don’t understand.

5 Reasons to Visit the Maguire Wire in Shanghai

More than three years ago we wrote a post listing the 5 reasons to come to Lesotho. Seems like a nice tradition. Here follows the top five reasons, in no particular order, to dare the transoceanic flight to China.

5. The Great Wall of China. More than 21,000km long; construction on this wonder started during the 7th century BC.

4. Have any piece of clothing custom made. The purple velvet tuxedo you have always wanted can be made right here in China. Bring a pattern or have them create something original just for you.

3. The Terracotta Warriors. The Nelson-Atkins Museum has one of our country's best collections of Chinese art, but the collection does not compare to that found in China. Come see the 2,000 warriors buried with Emperor Qin Shi Huang.

2. Walk the stairs in Mount Huang. Ancient people carved about 60,000 steps into the Yellow Mountains. See the mountains that inspired centuries of art.

1. It will be home to The Maguire Wire for the next two years, of course. 

Shanghai

Map of Shanghai


For those that follow us, how many of our Lesotho five did we accomplish? Reasons to Visit the Maguire Wire in Lesotho